One is a foundling one gives birth to or takes in and another thing is showing love and care for someone who will be around only for some months or years.Three foster parents tell Neha Bhayana why adoption matters this Mother’s Day It saves children from languishing in shelters, orphanages or worse.
“Before his parents disappeared, I had the joy of raising him.”
Lila has an adopted son called Jediya
On January 10th this year, Lila Jediya got her wish when she was given Rihan, six years old from a local agency through the foster care program. When Rihaan’s biological parents disappeared to unknown places, the regional officials decided that they would give him to a foster family.Therefore states are slowly attempting to deinstitutionalize non-adoptable children because it is believed by people that living in friendly child development environments means families.
Although Lila knows that one day Rihan may be taken from her, she is happy to call herself his mother until then. “It would be nice if he could go back home to his parents. But until then I am just grateful for the experience of having a child. As far as we are concerned, he completes our family; however hearing ‘Mom’ Feeling’ makes me so happy,” said the 55-year-old who admitted that if his parents hadn’t come across him they would have liked them for times without number.
The Jedias had applied for adopting a child but were put on waiting list for many years.They approached foster care agencies after they learnt from societies like Udaipur Society that children were spending all those years in shelters due to not being adoptable or remaining unadopted ones.
Now whenever Lila comes home after work each night Rihane runs up and opens the door while the two play and do homework together. Since Rihane knows very little compared to most six-year-olds, Lila has been teaching him colors, the names of fruits and vegetables, and basic manners, such as not making noises when chewing food. “I cook different subzis every day because I want him to like all vegetables. He doesn’t like sweets though unless it is his favorite gulab jamun,” she said.
The couple enrolled Rihaan in a renowned English-medium school and hired a tutor to make him perform at par with other students in the class.
Lila Jediya is hoping to bring home another child eventually; hopefully it will be a girl through adoption or foster care. “All financially stable couples should raise children, even if they have biological children. Children who stay in orphanages must move out when they turn 18. When they are with their families, we educate them and teach them good values, and empower them to live in this world,” she said. “Hum ek bache ki life bana sakte hai and khud bhi maa baap hone ka sukh pa sakte hai (We can make our children’s lives better and experience the joy of parenthood.)”“We brought up five kids; we could love one more.”
Li Ji Thomas | has five native born children plus one adopted son
Most couples become overwhelmed by the burdens that come with raising one or two kids. However, five children were welcomed with open arms by Kozhikode residents Liji and Bijo Thomas. Laji felt a void last year when her eldest daughter, aged 25, and the youngest daughter aged 13 got married and went to Kanpur. They were unable to adopt since they already had biological children; therefore, they applied for foster care under the District Child Protection Unit (DCPU) where they took in a twelve year old boy in January following due process. Seventeen children have so far been placed in long-term foster care homes in Kozhikode.
Due to confidentiality issues Sahil*’s parents were not allowed to keep him and thus put him into a government-run children’s home voluntarily four years ago. As per their agreement he also opted for a foster family. Liji is glad that she could take care of Sahil as well. “We thought why not adopt another child when we have had experience from raising five children and resources acquired over these years should not be wasted on only our own kids,” she said. Institutionalised upbringing hardly lets children understand what society is about or how families work. “If you didn’t grow up experiencing love, you can never give it,” Liji explained.
Bijo works as a software developer but Li Ji is a medical writer; yet all of them work from home offices because they are self-employed professionals who operate online based businesses at liberty within their premises while ensuring that they meet deadlines.Just like any other member of their family, Sahil was taught to read and write because he couldn’t even recognize basic concepts like left or right hand and back versus front sides when he joined them.Liji helped Biju teach Sahir this whole thing right from scratch.After three months of being part of the family, he could already read Malayalam fluently, knew four long poems by heart, and had memorised several songs. “Sahir’s paper stated that he was intellectually impaired, but I don’t think so; he was just not noticed,” Liji said. She also trained Sahil to behave well and encouraged him to participate in household chores like all children. “He is 12 years old but he doesn’t even know how to tie a belt, so we taught him. Now he can dress independently. He is learning new things every day and is proud of himself.
Liji says she feels special each day because she is loved and hugged by her children even though Mother’s Day isn’t celebrated in their family. “My kids are very enthusiastic. Sahil seems a little reserved compared to them but whenever I appreciate something about him, he breaks into a big smile.” He loves it when I have my hand around his shoulders or hug him; the moment I let go of him after doing this, ‘Holding me tight,’ I could feel that he was happy,” she said.
Li Ji hopes more families will volunteer to participate in foster care.”We see a lot of kids being neglected and sadly, we call them sociopaths, but it’s not their fault.” They do not get the right guidance.She believes that if all our children were brought up as kind people doing good People the world would be a richer place- this is the small contribution we can make,” she said.
‘I will never forget the day my little adopted son called me aa’’
Jyoti Patwardhan has two foster children
In 2020, when Jyoti Patwardhan took two boys aged 7 and 9 through the Maharashtra foster care program into her home, she was apprehensive. The single consumer court judge always wanted a girl, so she didn’t even know if she would ever feel love for the brothers who had been recommended to her; moreover, she was concerned about what issues they might have with adjusting. However, all her fears vanished that first night. “During Weihan*’s peaceful respite from self-awareness my youngest son Wade*, crept into my room and asked me if he could sleep next to me.” When I nodded he climbed on the bed rested his head on an innocent face and asked can I call you “ah”? That moment is unforgettable in every possible way. It touched me to the core. She added, “I had no more worries after that, as I knew I made the right choice.” This was uttered by a 50-year-old Akola resident.
When Jyoti met the officer in charge of foster care placement a few weeks later, she learned that while other children at the shelter used to ask for chocolates or toys, Ved always said “mujhe mummy chahiye” (I want a mother) ). They ended up in an orphanage because their real mother could not take care of them both.
Then after they were recently declared legally free for adoption hence Jodi applied for their adoption – after two years together adoptive parents may apply for child adoption. “My sons make my world complete; all I want is to raise them into good men,” says Jyoti who does not intend to get married anytime soon. Furthermore Vihaan wants be join military when he grows up – he saw a photograph of Jyoti’s army captain father alongside his grandfather who was India’s first flight lieutenant.
Jyoti was certain her sons were going to prepare a big surprise for her on Mother’s Day. “They went out of their way to celebrate my birthday and Mother’s Day. They decorated the house, bought cakes and used money from their piggy banks to buy me clips and earrings,” she said.
*Name changed to protect identity.
